Farewell, My Love.

June 15, 2018 naturelover Life

On October 23rd 2015, I broke up with my boyfriend. We were together for almost 4 years and living together for almost 2 years. At the time, I didn’t know what I was doing, or if I really wanted to do it. It was such a blur.. saying the words, “I think we should break up..” It seemed unreal that I would think something like that. I truly thought this man was going to be my husband and the father of my children. We talked about it all the time, but nothing seemed to happen. We didn’t seem to be going anywhere. My life was put on repeat everyday, for over a year. There was no passion between us, saying “I love you” felt forced, and I became a negative person. It was the hardest decision I’ve ever made… but I finally told myself, “do something for yourself, for once in your life! Don’t think about anyone else’s needs except yours, for a change..” – And that’s what I did. I broke up with my boyfriend because it was the best decision for ME.

It hurt knowing how much I hurt him, but I had to get over it. I have been “too nice” for far too long. Getting walked on and being taken advantage of; I’ve had enough! I’m glad to be out of that toxic relationship. I never knew how much it was hurting me, until about a month or two before I decided to end it with him. Was I perfect in the relationship? Hell no! I know I wasn’t. But I wasn’t the one yelling, drinking, and swearing all the time. I wasn’t the one that ignored my partner to play video games all the f**king time! I wasn’t the one needing money for gas, cigarettes, liquor, ¬†and other items. – I know a relationship consists of hard times and arguments, but that’s all it was in the last year. Were there beautiful moments and memories, of course. But they don’t compare to all the negative memories that I’ll never forget. I’m 21 years old, I should be going on dates (that I don’t always have to pay for), experiencing new things, and just enjoying life! With him… it felt like we’d been in a crumbling marriage for 25 years in the last year. – I’m sorry that I hurt him.. but I’m not sorry that I left.

The relationship in the beginning was magical. We had fun, went on dates, were silly together, spent quality time with each other, and people could see the love. I’ll never forget those memories; I’ll cherish them forever. I loved the way he would look at me when he thought I looked especially beautiful that day. I loved how he tickled me (even though it would get to the point it hurt), and I loved how he made me feel like I was the only woman he needed. All those feelings changed once we spent time together in an apartment. Only after a few months of living together, things started going downhill. My family was worried about me and I wasn’t happy. I told him I wasn’t happy, but things never changed. I can’t wait forever. I told myself, “if I don’t like how he is now.. I’m not going to like it 15 years from now.” People don’t change. I don’t think he’s a horrible person. I believe when he meets the right girl, he’ll exceed. I wasn’t that girl for him, and he wasn’t that man for me. Neither of us challenged each other or try to better ourselves. – Our relationship ended badly, but I’ll always love him. He was my first love. I had many adventures with him that i’ll hold dear to my heart.

I’m ready to be happy. I got my own humble apartment, I have my lovely kitty with me, my job is going well, I’m spending more time with my family.. why complain? :) My life is beautiful. I’ll meet my soulmate someday, I just hope I learned enough from this last relationship.

Being a hopeless romantic has it’s downsides!

I’ll never forget the past, but I’m not going to live in it. I’m looking to the future. I hope we both make it.

I'll always love you.

I’ll always love you.

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